The ONE and ONLY Thing You Can Control as a Leader

 

It’s one of those days, you got off to a late start because the train was late, car didn’t start, and kids wouldn’t stop crying when you dropped them at daycare.

You find your blood pressure rising, you are irritated, you are short with the people around you and then when you do make it to the office you feel like a total schmuck.

A team member comes to you with a problem and you snap at them and retreat to your office. Sound familiar?

Perhaps not right now however we have all had one of those days and typically we behave in a reactive way and then later feel bad. Why? Because when the world does not bend to our will it ticks us off!

That’s the truth of it- on a deep level most people aren’t event aware at how much they tend to want to control their environment and circumstances. It’s a stressful way to be and there is another way.

The other way is to focus on what you CAN control which is “you and your responses” – that’s it plain and simple. I know, I know you already know this and you are thinking DUH – and I ask- are you living this reality?

Are you living the reality that you can only control yourself and your responses?

Because if you are the above scenario would have you remain calm, laugh at the quirks of the universe in throwing these seeming roadblocks up and like water off of a ducks back you would breeze into work and without any drama focus on getting to work and helping your team with their day.

Trust me I write this to you as a recovering control freak- I even wrote a book about it back in 2008, “The Control Freak Revolution” and the irony is I needed to write the book because it was the only way I would ‘get the message’.

So how do you focus on what you can control?

With some professional help I say tongue in cheek.

For me I have been doing alternative therapies for over twenty years, Reiki, Cranial sacral therapy, Network Spinal Analysis, meditation, silent retreats, and more.

I remember when I was walking a labyrinth on Bowen Island about twenty years ago I got a flash of how I had lived my entire life up until that point working very hard to control everyone and everything and it was making me miserable!

That flash was painful enough to have me want to commit to learning to let go and learning to trust that when things go awry its an opportunity to ‘go with the flow’.

I had read a book about that time by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi called “Flow” that really helped me to tune into that ‘trust of the universe’ vibe.

If you are brand new to the ‘letting go’ concept start simply with reading books and articles on letting go of control.

If you have been working on letting go for a while maybe step it up a notch by signing up for a silent retreat (extremely challenging at first) or begin using guided meditations or if you are more physical – yoga.

So I write this while being delayed and diverted in my travels and I find myself having to practice what I teach and I have been listening to my favorite tunes, writing, journalling and brainstorming my next book.

Heck it’s the only thing I can control!